April 1988: Page 1, 2, 3, 4

Submitters Perspective

Page 2

Exposes Hadith & Sunna as Satanic

Continued from page 1

Ironically, the Qur'an prefixes this law (24:2) with the assertion that these verses are "perfectly clear [Aayaatun Bayyinaatun]" (24:1).

(8) Aisha narrated that the Prophet married her when she was six years old and he consummated his marriage when she was nine years old. (Aisha/ Bukhari Vol. 7 #65)

How did they know exactly how old she (or anyone else, for that matter) was, given the fact that 7th century Arabia was not renowned for its record-keeping? And, even if this account of Aisha's age were accurate, this may have been hunky-dory back then, what with the average life span being about 40 years and human beings maturing considerably younger. But try practicing this sunnah in 20th century America. Uh-huh. Between court appearances and psychiatric evaluation, you'll be lucky to consummate the marriage by the time that sweet young thing is ninety.

(9) "Angels do not enter a house in which there is a dog or a picture." (Abu Talha/ Muslim # 5249)

This has led to such mind-boggling statements as, "I'm kicking your dog and tearing up your passport picture for religious reasons." Oh. And we wonder why people have misconceptions about Islam. By pictures, he undoubtedly meant the sort before which one prostrates and, by dogs, the unkempt, unvaccinated, unhousebroken 7th century worst-of-breed who hadn't had the advantages of psychoanalysis, canine aerobics, orthodontic work and charm schools.

Obviously, whoever invented this hadith never heard of the righteous dwellers of the cave and their dog (18:18), or the hunting dogs in 5:4.

(10) A report in the Traditions says that if a woman licks blood and pus from the wounds of her husband even then

she would not accomplish her duty in full. (Kanzul-Aamal)

A true classic, one that never goes out of style! Who cares that no one has heard of Kanz-ul-Aamal? This sounds too kinky to pass up!

(11) "When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she is at the oven." (Abu Ali Talq ibn Ali/At Tirmidhi and An Nisai)

Speaking of kinky, this sounds like a Muslim Marabel Morgan, or at least a fire hazard. This and the one about a woman submitting to her husband even if she happens to be riding on a camel at the time must have been recorded by a hyperhormonal male whose wife had a few too many nocturnal headaches.

(12) "If a man orders a woman to lift a mountain she should be ready to lift it." (Masnad Ahmed)

Sure, and what's.this about the weaker sex?

(13) Patient patients- "The one who visits the sick is in fact like one who is in the fruit garden of Paradise so long as he does not return." (Abu Rabi/Muslim # 6227)

Anyone who has ever been ill and alone can appreciate the gentle wisdom of this saying. But we often take it to its limit, amassing vast crowds of unhygenic visitors around the unfortunate patient who wants only to be left alone with chicken soup and "General Hospital". "The best places to sit are those which provide the most room." (Abu Sa'id al Khudri/ Abu Dawud # 4802) So, as they say in California, "Give 'em some space”.

(14) "A women should not fast except with her husband's permission." (Abu Hurairah/ Bukhari Vol. 7 #120)

Ooops ~I forgot to ask my husband before he left for the salt mine this morning. Pass the cheesecake, I can't fast today.

(15) Aisha said, "The Prophet used to wash his head

with marshmallow while he was sexually defiled. It was sufficient for him and he did not pour water upon it." (Abu Dawud # 256)

Now, perhaps at the time it went without saying that a marshmallow was some sort of plant. But I tried to follow this sunnah with a bag of toasted Campfires, and I've had sticky white stuff in my hair ever since.

(16) When going out to answer the call of nature, the Prophet said to Abu Hurairah, "Fetch for me some stones for cleaning the private parts." (Bukhari Vol. 1 # 157)

This has created numerous plumbing problems in certain homes, where well-meaning and literal-minded Muslims have discovered that stones don't flush half as easily as Charmin.

(17) "After me I have not left my affliction more harmful to men than women." (Usama bin Zaid/ Bukhari Vol. 7 # 33)

More harmful than wars, plague and pestilence? More harmful than cluster bombs, AIDS and Rambo? Besides, who are men supposed to have all the sex with that they're always worrying traditions about?! Well, perhaps this isn't such a bad idea-perhaps we should allow the men who believe this to put it into practice-alone. Together. Let them turn their mosques into boy's clubs and see how long they survive...

(18) Miqdad related that the Prophet said, "When you see these who shower praise (upon others), throw dust upon their faces." (Hammam bin al Harith/ Muslim # 7143)

Oh yeah, some of us follow this saying to the letter, those of us who follow the sunnah of the Gestapo. You wouldn't catch us risking a lethal fistful of sand to say something nice about someone. You wouldn't catch us making sinful gratitude noises or issuing subversive